When life gives you lemons… screw it, I’m not Beyonce

by | Jun 26, 2016 | Backstreet Boys, Feelings, Personal, Thoughts

Just to throw it out there, this is more of a personal post…. 

Since my last post, things got worse. My Mom ended up having another surgery, on her foot, and her kidney levels got so low that they weren’t functioning. Her shoulder is screwed up and her hand is all bandaged up and so now she can’t walk or really use her hand/arm.

Basically, she’s just kind of fucked right now.

And wants to come home. She’s been gone over three weeks now. Our cat, er, her cat, Piper, misses her. She sits on my bed and meows at me, thinking maybe I’ll take her to her. I came home around 10 p.m. the other night after work and going to the hospital to find her sitting at the door meowing.

Today my Mom moved to a rehab center, where they are supposed to start working with her to get her going because even though she’s on total disability, they will not pay for someone to come here to our apartment and sit with her while I’m at work. I would have to pay out of my pocket and these people make more than I make so it would be a “moo point,” as Joey from “Friends” said once. It’d be pointless.

I know people say I need to take care of me, and I’m trying, but it’s hard when I constantly have panic attacks and have been so stressed that I can’t hold anything down and the site of most food makes me want to throw up. The only thing that keeps my stomach settled is Coke and saltine crackers and the soda isn’t good for me. I had almost stopped drinking sodas and I lapsed on the cruise because I bought the soda package and then I came back and all of this happened. I don’t drink coffee, so soda is what is keeping me going. And I’m diabetic, so that’s bad. But right now, I just need to survive, not be in tip top shape.

So, the blog is still alive. I’m still alive. I’ve just been going from bed > hospital > work > hospital > home > pass out in bed for the past three weeks. Hell, I got a little chomebook before all of this started so that I could just take around with me and write whenever and blog, but that’s done a lot of good lately.

Things will get back to normal. My 36th birthday is coming up soon. Hopefully I’m still going to be able to go to see the My Y2k tour with 98 Degrees and O-Town and have VIP with Julia and Lacy. If my Mom is back home by then, I’ll buy her a ticket for her to go.

This is the time in my life when I could use one of those big Kevin Richardson bear hugs.


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