Lately, I’ve been asking myself a question that honestly feels a little uncomfortable to admit out loud. What happens when the thing that used to make you feel the most like yourself… doesn’t hit the same anymore?
That’s kind of where I’ve been lately with the Backstreet Boys.
Before anyone takes that the wrong way, let me say this first. I love them with my whole heart. I always will. They’ve been a huge part of my life for decades. Some of my best memories, closest friendships, biggest opportunities, and happiest moments came from this fandom. It shaped such a huge part of who I am.
But this year is going to be different.
I didn’t get tickets for Vegas and honestly? I wasn’t devastated over it the way I thought I’d be. A few years ago, that probably would have completely wrecked me. This time, I kind of just accepted it and moved on.
I think part of that is because I’m finally trying to focus on myself for once.
Over the last several years, I buried myself in fandom, work, and school. I threw myself into everything full force. I went back to graduate school for Marketing and now I’m deep into my MFA program while also trying to chase another dream of becoming a published romance author. Somewhere in all of that, I realized I had gotten so used to constantly going, constantly planning the next event, the next trip, the next concert, that I stopped asking myself if I actually needed to be doing all of it.
Then Ticketmaster happened this summer and honestly, that whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth. I know a lot of people felt the same way. It stopped feeling fun and started feeling exhausting.
At the same time, therapy has been helping me work through losing my Mom. I think it’s also helping me slowly find my way out of the writer’s block I’ve been stuck in for a long time. For the first time in awhile, I’m trying to figure out who I am outside of work deadlines, fandom stress, and constantly needing something to look forward to.
And maybe that means my interests are shifting a little right now.
My concert lineup this year looks completely different than it normally would. Nick Jonas. Thomas Rhett with Niall Horan. Ed Sheeran. A Kansas City Chiefs game with Mara, and maybe another one with the girls. Niall again next year. Honestly? I’m excited about the change.
It doesn’t mean I love the Backstreet Boys any less. It just means they aren’t my entire world right now, and I think that’s probably healthy.
Of course it’s going to feel weird not being in Vegas this summer. Last year was such a fun experience, even if the heat nearly took me out every single day. Y’all know I cannot handle extreme heat anymore. It genuinely makes me sick. So maybe missing a summer Vegas residency isn’t the worst thing for me physically either. Now if they announce winter shows? That might be another story. Last December was a dream - one of the best experiences and I’m extremely lucky.
And if Nick Carter announces solo shows, just forget everything I just said because I can never get enough of that.
I’ve also realized something important lately. I can’t depend on the Backstreet Boys, or honestly any outside thing, to make me happy. That’s too much pressure to put on anything. Happiness has to come from building a life that feels full outside of concerts and events too.
And I know some people will understand what I mean when I say this. Sometimes going to events and constantly planning the next thing almost becomes a habit. You feel like you have to keep up with it because it’s what you’ve always done. You don’t even stop to ask yourself if you’re tired.
I think I’m finally asking myself that question.
So if things feel a little quieter here lately, or on Instagram, that’s part of why. Life has just gotten really busy for all of us behind the scenes. Work, school, personal life, trying to balance everything. And honestly, I think we’re all trying to reconnect with ourselves outside of social media a little bit too.
BSBFangirls isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. I think I’m just entering a different season of life right now.
And maybe that’s okay. We will still update with news, thoughts, etc. Don’t worry.
Follow me on Instagram or my Substack to keep up with my writing and if I decide to self-publish or get a publishing deal. 🙂