Note: This post is a little personal but still concerns Backstreet Boys and this website, so bear with me.
If you have ever known me a little, you understand how much the Backstreet Boys fandom means to me. It changed my life.
But there comes a time when everything changes, and only in the last few years has my world been turned upside down. My Mom got sick and almost died on several occasions. I went through some health things, had friendships that didn’t have the best intentions, and my Mom finally died. I worked two full-time jobs last year and can no longer do that. My body is breaking down.
I’ve been living with a lot of regrets for a year and a half. I regret going to Lexington for the DNA tour while my Mom was in the hospital even though she begged me to still go. I regret talking to her for the last time with a clear mind while standing at the tip of the stage, waiting for the Backstreet Boys to take the stage. I regret almost missing our last Easter because I was flying back from Las Vegas to see the boys. I regret being so angry at her in Charlotte because she wanted to come along, and I had to turn around and bring her back to Atlanta because the hotel room wasn’t handicapped accessible after all. I regret spending money on a musical group when I could have taken my Mom somewhere. I regret being open to new friendships after getting hurt. I regret a lot of things.
I’ll never regret being a Backstreet Boys fan. I will love them until the day I die, whenever that is – next week or in 20 years. I will always be a fan, but I’m done being as involved in the fandom with a website. At least for right now. Maybe for a while. This isn’t a ploy to get attention. Honestly, I don’t expect anybody to respond, but I always said I would never be one of those websites where the person disappears.
It’s been a long time coming, and you’ve probably noticed I haven’t been as involved in it since my Mom died. And Emilia went through the same thing this past fall. It changes a person. We last updated the upcoming events on the front page a while ago.
The Backstreet Boys fandom used to bring me a lot of happiness. I loved being a part of it. Being a fan helped save my life over 20 years ago. Nick changed my life. I’ve had a website of some form since 1998, whether fan fiction-related or news-related. I still love the friends I’ve made because of it, and I plan to keep them. And I regret ever giving others the time of day.
I don’t know what this means for me, to be honest. The website isn’t going anywhere and will be updated when we get the inspiration to do anything – that goes for all of us. Am I falling back into depression? Probably. I’ll still be at TheFandemonium.com and have my Etsy shop to make some extra money. I’m finding happiness in other things right now. Or trying to.
Last year, with no BSB tour, I experienced a lot of non-BSB things, and it opened my eyes a lot.
All I can say is a few things:
- If you still have a parent, spend time with them instead of chasing a boy band or some random celebrity.
- You never know what someone is going through. So, instead of sending them a message on social media to cause drama, take a second and think about it before you send it. And you never know if what you do will make that person snap.
- Just because you befriend someone, it doesn’t make you best friends. Only some people are your friends for the right reasons.
- Those of us who have had fan sites or fan accounts, for the most part, do this because we love it. It’s fun for us. It’s a passion that burns deep inside of us. I always said I wouldn’t do it when it wasn’t fun anymore. That’s what I’m doing.
I still plan on helping with the fan club because I want that to be my connection with the guys, and I enjoy it.
Like I said, I’ll always love the boys. My loyalty to Nick will never waver – ever. Expect to see me at shows. But I just can’t do this anymore, not for a very long time.
You can continue to follow me at @KarahTheFangirl on Twitter/X or @KarahLeigh on Instagram. Would love to still keep up and talk with some of you while staying away from the hoopla and drama.
Thanks for everything. 💗