Thoughts: I’m over-dramatic and I know it

by | Aug 10, 2020 | Backstreet Boys, Kevin Richardson, Opinion, Thoughts | 2 comments

It’s not “I’m sexy and I know it.” It’s “I’m overdramatic and I know it.”

My anxiety got the better of me last month and I temporarily took some time away from Twitter. I wrote some big ‘ole dramatic post on my personal Twitter that I was leaving and was never coming back to social media. I hated what the fandom had become and I hated the fact that my friends were fighting. It just all became too much for me.

I was good and happy with my decision for a few days. Then Mr. Richardson started creeping up in my nightly dreams. It was never anything salacious but he was always there smiling and making me laugh. This lasted for about 3 weeks. Every night, like clockwork. And my alarm always was the one to kill the vibe. But every morning, I woke up happy that he had come to visit me, even if I couldn’t see him in real life.

I started telling Joe (my husband) about my dreams. At first he teased me, but eventually, he started paying attention and we started trying to interpret what they meant. I don’t think we got anywhere on that front, but I started to feel compelled to write my usual tweets to Kevin and to check up on my boy. I know for a fact that he reads a good majority of those tweets. It’s my way of feeling close to my fave while we are apart. WOW, that sounded tacky AF. But it’s true!

Please note that I don’t usually tweet to get a response, it’s more like a hi, how are you but please know you that don’t actually need to respond. I have thought about Kevin every day in passing for the last 25 years of my life and I don’t think that will ever change. I do realize that makes me sound stalkerish AF but I mean well. If you’ve paid attention to anything I’ve put online, you know I overshare on the regular and this is just me being me.

Anyway, I’ve started dipping my feet into the Twittersphere again. My app is still deleted and I think that’s the key to my social media happiness. I can’t be online as much as I have been before. It’s just too draining and there’s more to life than this bubble. For about a month, I was also sure I’d never write for Fangirls again. Maybe Kevin decided to pop into my dreams so that I could provide some closure to those who follow me and who have wondered why I’ve dropped off the face of the earth. If you have been writing to me, please know that I do see your tweets and messages. I appreciate them. Eventually, I will respond. I’m just going about this in a way that feels comfortable and at a natural pace.

I really do not know what the future holds, but I’m taking it one day at a time. And as long as there will be music, I’ll probably come back again… and again. ?

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