Personal: Fandom life is great, but be careful who you trust

by | Feb 7, 2020 | Personal | 1 comment


Note: This post was originally posted on 2/7/2020, but was moved back to draft the next morning after people started subtweeting about me. This post was meant to make people keep their eyes open like you would in everyday life. It’s about sharing how I’ve been burned and not for the reason many think. People can think it’s bullying or being mean. It’s about helping other fans because since I first posted this, so many others have come to me saying they’ve experienced the same thing. Don’t like what I write? Don’t read it. Simple as that. 


When I first started out in the Backstreet Boys fandom, back in the days of 1998 where Yahoo! Chat was the main communication tool before AOL chatrooms and long before the days of social media, I was very wary online. I never posted pictures of myself. I never did any of that.

Over the years, I became more brave, more personal. I started making actual real-life friends online, finding my best friends, my sisters – those that will be there for you night or day, no matter what.

But for a bunch good apples, there’s always a bad one.

Over the years, I’ve been burned by people who I thought were friends. Once I had an ex-cruise roommate tell me I was obsessed with Nick because that’s all I could talk about.

Hm, chick, I was on a Backstreet Boys cruise, dammit. He poured a shot down my throat. I’m not going to sit and talk about scientific revelations or the weather. Said chick also went to bed at 11 p.m. and then was mad she didn’t have any “interactions.” Not to mention a month later she bashed me on her website (by name mind you) talking about how obsessed I was. 

This post is nothing like what has been done to me in the past. There are no names in this post. There will not ever be any names posted. 

I’ve had my issues with different fans in the past and have tried to overcome them by being nice, even talking out our problems, etc. We all don’t have to be BFF’s, but come to be civil. I mean, we are a family because of the Backstreet Boys, right?

But the worse of them all, I got burned by someone because I was trying to be nice, trying to help them realize their dreams of meeting the boys, or at least their favorite boy. I introduced that friend to her favorite boy. When other friends couldn’t go to a show, she was always the first one I’d offer to the tickets to. 

And the entire time that friend was using me, talking shit about me behind my back to other people who ended up doing the right thing, telling me what was going on. And when I had to face that friend a few days later, she hid from me and wouldn’t even look me in the eye.

It really makes you question who to trust. It makes you wonder if someone else is trying to use you for some unspecified reason. I mean, I know that my closest group of friends aren’t like that because 85% of them I knew a long time ago. It makes you question whether you want to continue to be nice to people and help them meet the boys or their favorite boy.

Because of that friend, I’m wary now when new people are nice to me. I wonder what they want, what their motive is. I’ve met new friends over the last year, mostly by meeting them at DNA shows, and I can tell that they are real. They’ve never asked for anything or insinuated anything. 

But I always wonder.

Do they really think you are a nice person and want to be their friend or do they just want to meet Nick? Do they want to meet AJ? Are they going to go and tell other people lies about you to make themselves look better and more important? This friend told lies about me to other people in the fandom, which resulted in other drama. 

Whatever to make themselves feel better, right?

You always have to be careful, whether in the fandom or not. There have been fans who have been scammed out of money by buying fake tickets. People have been scammed in general. The advice that you mother gave you when you were a kid, use in your adult life in your fandoms.  I’ve had friends burned by other people for various reasons and have felt the same way. 

Not everybody in a fandom is like that. Like I said, there’s always a rotten apple in the bunch. Each day I try to tell myself that it was a lesson learned and that karma will eventually win.

The fandom is a great place to meet other fans, but be careful who you trust. Know who your ride and dies are and relish them. 

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We are a group of women who love and support the Backstreet Boys. We are professionals in various aspects of business with backgrounds in marketing, journalism, writing, and psychology. 


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