Personal: Fangirl Down

by | Oct 21, 2020 | Personal

We are seven months into the Coronavirus in the United States. I have been working from home for seven months. 

And I found out earlier this week I will be working from home until at least June 1, 2021. 

And there’s a part of me that’s wondering will our lives ever go back to normal?

Will we ever be able to go outside without masks on? Will people ever be able to visit their loved ones when they are in the hospital again? Will I ever get to go see Backstreet Boys with my best friends? Will I ever get to hug Nick Carter again and hear him say my name like he usually does (Karaaaaaaaah)?

I have tried to bury myself in work this week because it keeps me busy, keeps my mind from wandering and better yet, it keeps me out of trouble. 

But tonight I’m feeling down. 

Lately, my only highs have been when AJ is dancing on “Dancing With The Stars” or when Nick is “Pop Kid Nick” on Twitch. Or, you know, the pink crocodile. They are keeping me sane right now. Last night I had to miss Nick’s Twitch thing because I was exhausted after working almost 11 hours and I fell asleep over an hour before he came on and slept almost through the night. 

I really wish I didn’t have to depend on Nick and AJ doing things to feel happy, but that’s kind of where we are in this pandemic, isn’t it? Yeah, you can go out and travel to go to concerts, but I can’t because I’d rather my mother not die. I can’t risk that. 

I think that’s why I’ve been doing The Fangirl Diaries over on Instagram (and posting them here), so I can give myself something to look forward to because I enjoy doing them. It will be a lot more fun when the boys are actually doing something again together. 

Writing has helping a little, but sometimes I’m so tired from work that I don’t feel like writing. I wanted to take part in NaNoWrMo, but I don’t think I’ll be able to. 

I guess the purpose of this post is to say that if you’re feeling the same way, you’re not alone. If Nick coming on Twitch is the bright spot of your day, you’re not alone. 

Tags: depression | Persona | x

1 Comment

  1. Good Vibes Mommy

    Same BB ?

    Reply

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