What your favorite Backstreet Boys album says about you

by | Sep 25, 2021 | Backstreet Boys, Column, Gio, Guest Blogger, Humor, Opinion, Thoughts

By Gio

As fans we all have our favorite works by our favorite artists and, no matter how much we try to deny it and pretend like we love everything that gets released by our favorite artists, we also have music that just does not do it for us.

It’s always fun to go ask other people with the same shared passion (obsession?) what they think about our favorite song, that song that we’ll never get tired of listening to, expecting them to share the same opinion, just to be deeply disappointed when they don’t share the same view and they tear our little fan heart in millions of pieces.

Karah asked me to create this very subjective list and I could not be more excited to do so. What I’m about to write comes with a little preface:

  • This is all for fun and games, do not take anything seriously
  • If you can’t take a joke do not read and if you do read please remember
  • It’s all jokes, don’t come for me – it’s strictly MY opinion

Now that we’re clear…let’s get started.

Backstreet Boys (the red one)

Call it self-titled, call it the Red Album ( do not confuse with the Taylor Swift one tho!), call it “TheMusicVideosFromThisAlbumAreEitherTooSexualOrTooCringey” or simply call it by its name.

This album decided to skip the USA and to be a pretty huge success in Europe so I will assume that if this album is your favorite, you are European or at least you wish you were European.

There’s only a few of you in the fandom, you’re rarer than Charizard while playing Pokemon Go… you’re basically a legend… I honestly don’t know if you even exist.

If this is your favorite album you dream of a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant with a boy who preferably looks like AJ who offers to pay for the dinner like a gentleman would, only to take you back to his place and play you chill R&B music while you get down (see what I did there?).

You’re probably a fan of the denim on denim look and I have to congratulate myself, you don’t cringe with the little talks by Kevin at the beginning of most of the songs on this album… personally, I always skip those songs because of that… sorry Kev.

You dream of true love with a little bit of spice and I can’t blame you for it… as long as we all agree that Nick looks awkward in all the music videos from this album., then we’re cool.

Backstreet’s Back

I have skipped Backstreet Boys the american version because an album without “10.000 Promises” on it does not even deserve recognition so if that is your favorite album, I am sorry but I do not perceive you, nor do I recognize you as a human being.

If your favorite album is Backstreet’s Back I admire your taste. You are what the ‘’I’m not like other girls’ girls think they are.

You stay in your lane and don’t let anybody tell you what to do and what to say.

You are actually cool and chill because, again, you are a rarity. You are probably a since-day-one fan and appreciate the growth that the boys had but still enjoy Nick’s baby voice a little too much and you know what? Who am I to stop you?

Millennium

If your favorite album is “Millennium” you were probably too young to go to the Millennium tour and now live in the past wishing you could have seen the boys floating above the stage in futuristic costumes…. cause same. You, just like me, were probably at your first goo goo gagas when thousands of teens were living YOUR dream… it hurts doesn’t it?

On the other hand, if you were a fan when the album came out…you are still living in the past. You dream about Howie’s ponytail every night, Nick’s curtain hair and AJ’s bad boy look are your religion. Brian was the best representation of an angel and Kevin in that era was probably your sexual awakening… seriously, he was (and still is) so hot.

This is when the boys REALLY blew up with a small, insignificant song titled “I Want It That Way,” which even your goldfish seems to know, and for that reason it is important to specify that you are sick to death of hearing it and when you say “Millennium” is your favorite album, you do not mean that song.

Your lock screen is definitely a photo of the boys from that era, you know every single TRL appearance by heart and you probably still hate *NSYNC (or you love them, no in between).

Now, there are two types of Millennium stans, the chaotic good and the chaotic evil:

If you think “Don’t Want You Back” deserved to be a single and you’re still pissed off at Nick Carter for opening his pretty mouth, the you are chaotic good,, i understand you and i stand with you… I really wish his phone had no reception that day..shame on you Nicky.

If you think “The One” deserved to be a single for this album, you are chaotic evil and you scare me… I don’t think I want to be friends with you… Why are you staring at me?

Black and Blue

If Black and Blue is your favorite album, you are looking for a bad boy with a big heart to warm up your nights… an AJ basically.

I can tell almost certainly that your favorite song is either “Shape of My Heart” or “Get Another Boyfriend” cause I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say anything bad about these two masterpieces.

You are alternative or you had that phase when you were younger. You dyed your hair a crazy color at least once and if you haven’t, you definitely thought about it. You’re a rebel but you have a big heart and despite your strong facade, you still get emotional when you listen to songs like “Yes I Will” and “Time.”

You have watched the 100 Hours documentary an unhealthy amount of times, it is your comfort movie and you probably tried to shove it down the throats of people who couldn’t care less about the BSB.

You get mad when you go to the karaoke and you don’t find any songs from this album apart from SOMH and “The Call”… so you try to show the documentary to the poor Gen Z receptionist at the arcade who’s literally only trying to do her job. And I love you for that.

Never Gone

You like rock music more than you like the classic boy band sounds. You probably had an emo phase and in that case i’m sorry to tell you but you are still emo.

If this is your favorite album, you are probably a big fan of Nick’s “Now or Never” album and Fall Out Boy is probably your guilty pleasure.

Under that ‘rock’ facade, however, is a very sentimental part of you that you sometimes try to hide. Songs like “Siberia” and “Safest Place to Hide” hold a dear place in your heart and let’s not forget, it was the last album which featured Kevin for a while. This is an overall ‘sad’ album and you can’t tell me otherwise. The only happier songs are the least popular ones amongst fans.

It’s an album made for closeted emos made in a time where artists wanted everybody to know about their struggles and their overflowing emotions… just look at how dramatic the music video for Incomplete is..why was Howie acting like a latin lover while crying to a clothing hanger? Why was Brian in the ocean wearing a suit? Who set fire to the gas station, Nick? Many questions left unanswered…and the “I Still” music video is even more dramatic…ugh, boys.

The only downside to this album, is that most of the songs are a one-man show by Brian when talking about verses… and don’t get me wrong, it’s completely fine but I think I speak for everybody when I say we all wanted more of the other Kentucky fried cousin solos. #JusticeForKevin

Unbreakable

If you don’t think this masterpiece of an album is in the top three of the best Backstreet Boys album, I do not trust you. This album is everything a good album tries to be. The Gods (and JC Chasez) all came together to create this state of the art record and if you don’t like it, I am sorry for you.
If it wasn’t clear enough, this is my personal favorite album of the boys and the main reason why is one song in particular… and if you know me from twitter, you’ll know I’m talking about “Something That I Already Know.”

If marrying a song was possible and ethical, I’d take that song to the altar and I would marry it, I am ready to spend my life with it… it is THAT good.

Unbreakable is dramatic from the get go, with “Intro” being one of the most underrated Backstreet Bboys songs to exist. It features some upbeat songs but most of them are more on the sadder side and if you like them, I am here to tell you that you are in fact, emo and extremely dramatic for no reason.

You cry whenever anything doesn’t go as planned but also when things do end up working out. You worry a lot about the tiniest little things and you are also that type of person to listen to sad songs when you’re happy, resulting in being sad for the rest of the day….wow..it’s like you’re my mirror ;).

The only downsides about this records are 1) the quality of the music videos 2) STIAK not being a single and last but not least… the absence of Kevin… but hey we can’t have it all.

This is Us

Okay if this is your favorite backstreet boys album, you do not exist. And not cause this is a bad album, it has a few absolute bangers… I have just never heard of someone say this album was their favorite.

Iwill assume that the only reason why you love this album so much is either “Shattered” or “Undone” and if you deny this, you’re a liar.
You probably enjoy electronic music, clubs and murder mysteries. You spend your days on Netflix on the True Crime section and when you’re not doing that, you’re re-watching Twilight for the 46th time only because it gives you the same vibe as the Straight Through My Heart music video.

Honestly though, you are BRAVE ’cause odds are that you heard people in the fandom trash this album left and right, yet you are still defending it like you life depends on it… kudos to you, fam, you’re doing amazing.

In A World Like This

If IAWLT is your favorite album you are a very calm, centered person. You love every little thing in life and you appreciate what’s under appreciated by the majority of people..just like this album.

It is criminal that the return of King Kevin is not well received in the fandom or commercially cause even just the presence of that man should be enough to draw every single being with ears to it. The small percentage of people who do appreciate this work, i see them as the artists of the fandom. They are creative and see the world in bright colors. Very few things bother them and even when everything seems to be going wrong, they are still positive and smiling…god, I wish i was like that..
I am no psychic, I do not read minds but i do know one thing for sure about the die hard fans of this album…even you guys don’t recognize “Hot, Hot, Hot” as a Backstreet Boys song and do not lie to me..i see and know everything.

DNA

If DNA is your favorite album, chances are that you are a day one fan and while I have yet to find the correlation between these two things, I just know there is a correlation… and if that is not the case you are very horny and “Passionate” and “New Love” turn you on..no judgment here ;).

You like the chill vibes, the acapellas, the R&B hints that probably take you back to the good old days of the Backstreet Boys.

You are the Mom of the group, the trusted one that everyone wants to follow, yet deep down you’re the craziest of them all and people only find out once they meet you at social events like shows or conventions. Nobody can really dislike you and when people do it’s out of jealousy cause they wish they were you.

The boys probably either love you too or would absolutely adore you once you met them and that is honestly the biggest flex there is.

Okay but seriously, is it “Passionate” or “New Love” that does it for you?

As a little footnote I wanna thank Karah for the opportunity of writing this. It was so much fun and I hope I didn’t personally offend anybody with my words..again, it’s all jokes.

If i did offend you, however, you’re favorite album is probably “No Strings Attached” by *NSYNC 😉 Hasta La Vista.


-Gio

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