Author’s Note: I have warm, fuzzy feelings when I think about each Backstreet Boy. This will be part of an ongoing series which covers first impressions of the boys.
If you’ve read my other posts, you’ll know that I’ve written my first impressions on Howie, Nick, AJ and Brian. I’ve re-written this blog post about 100 times because I felt like I wasn’t doing this person justice. It’s going to be a long one, so if you want, now is a good time to go grab a snack. Got your snack? Ok, here we go!
If you’re a fan of any of these 5 men and have picked out a favorite, you may feel the way I feel. I saw Kevin for the first time on the red album. I knew right away he was going to be “my dude.” Little did I know that he’d still be my dude all these years later.
Kevin was classically handsome and he basically was my Disney prince growing up. There was something about that serious face that struck a chord. I immediately wanted to know who he was and his story. I was not disappointed.
Media findings proved that he was as gorgeous on the inside as he was on the outside. He was just genuinely a good guy in my mind. However, people my own age did not view Kevin as I did. They said he was too old or lacked the talent of the others or even worse. I defended him because not only was he my favorite but I had to prove these people wrong.
As I got older, I realized that I started adopting some of the same behaviors/habits unintentionally. He became my biggest motivator and role model. I had no aspirations to become famous but his teachings could be applied to a regular person’s life. That’s what I liked most about him. He was real from the very beginning and never changed.
Life continued on and eventually I started experiencing really shitty things as a young adult. Heartbreak and illness are the first things that come to mind. Without getting into too many details, I’ll share that my teenage years were pretty rough. Luckily, I had Kevin to look up to. Then one day, he announced he didn’t want to be a part of BSB anymore. It felt like he was leaving me too. I resented him for it and left the fandom myself.
I realize now that I was being a selfish cow and that he needed this time away to get better and grow on so many levels. Despite my resentment, I still wanted him to do well and still kept tabs on his life. I followed up on the others too, but my heart still had a soft spot for this guy.
When it was announced he was coming back, I was thrilled! Thrilled that he had found a good balance between his personal life and his work. I too had grown up and I wasn’t sure if I was still a fan. When the opportunity came up to see IAWLT, I knew I had to go and see if I could put this part of my life to rest.
The time spent away hadn’t changed a thing. He was still my dude. He came over to me and my friend, and held my hand. Good god, I probably melted into the floor right then and there. Still, I had my reservations. He was a performer- a great actor. This was all an act, wasn’t it? Unfortunately, life has taught me to be wary of others. But for that night and that night only, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Meeting him was a whole new debacle. When I chose to go on the 2014 cruise, I figured I’d live out my childhood dream and that would be it. I never thought that it would progress to what it is now.
Anyway, it was finally time for our m&g and I was elated to be there. I had wanted to meet this man for the last 19 years. Days prior, I had convinced myself that he would be nothing like what I had previously imagined. I had always put him on such a pedestal and was worried that he wouldn’t be what I wanted him to be. Even if he sucked, this would be a one time thing right?
After getting through the others unscathed, I made it to Kevin and looked up. I’m by no means small but I felt like an insect under his gaze. All I can remember is him saying hello and swooping in for a hug. While in his embrace, I felt this huge sense of relief lift out my body. I could feel emotion pouring out of his body and it was like no other hug I’ve ever engaged in. He asked me if I was having a good time and I was so overwhelmed that I answered yes but in a completely different language.
He let go and I went over to Brian. I still don’t know how I made it over there because I felt like I had been cemented to the floor. Due to poor planning on my part, things moved too quickly and my coveted Kevin spot had been taken by someone else.
I was a little disappointed truth be told. As I was walking back towards Howie, Kevin grabbed my arm gently and asked if I wanted to be beside him. I only know this because my girlfriends told me afterwards. After the picture was taken, I cried for about 20 minutes in the hallway because I was so overcome with emotion. Meeting the others had been lovely but meeting Kevin was out of this world.
Fast forward to today and I have had so many beautiful memories with this man. Every time I see him, he does and says things that still shake me to my core. He has lifted me up during hard times with his encouragement and kind words. He remembers the most random things about me.
My friend’s joke that Kevin has become a friend to me, even if he doesn’t know it. While we’ll never truly be friends, it’s nice to know that he’s there in some capacity. I know for a fact that he regularly reads everyone’s tweets and messages. For this reason, I try to support him in anything I can. I’ve been told that I’m a stalker and that he’s forced to tolerate my presence, by jealous fans. Maybe they’re right to some extent, but all I’ve ever been shown is love, kindness, and respect.
I know Kevin is a human with good and bad days, but I guarantee you that this man has no mean bones in his body. He radiates positivity and love. That’s who I want in my corner and this is exactly the type of person I want to look up to. I could never have another favorite. He’s elegance, grace and poise all rolled into one. Not to mention, he’s easy on the eyes too.
Thanks for everything, Kev. I will love and respect you always. I’m not going anywhere.
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This is part five of a five-part series on Andie’s first impressions of each Backstreet Boys member.