After my 1st M&G with the Backstreet Boys, the rest of my Las Vegas trip is a blur. I will just say that I came to Vegas with tickets to see the Wednesday night performance and when we left, I had seen all three shows that week and went to my first after party. I won’t get into why or how I convinced my sister Adina to let me spend that much money, but I will say it was worth every dime.
I had only been home one week and I was struggling. Struggling to move on with my life. Daily activities were hard for me. I was not happy and I couldn’t think of why I felt so different. I had just spent an awesome time in Las Vegas with Adina. We had a blast seeing all the sights. Our days were filled with all the touristy stuff like the Stratosphere, Madame Tussauds Wax Museum and even the High Roller.
A little background on me. I am 46 years old and have been married for 17 years. Not all great, but I pride myself on staying true to my wedding vows. For better, for worse. I have a daughter named Chloe who is Autistic. She is my whole world and a #Kgirlforlife. She loves her Kevin and Kevin seems to love her too.
Being a parent to a child will special needs takes more than sometimes I feel I have. This is where the boys come into play. They are my “happy place”. They have been since 1997. I met my husband December 18, 1999. I was WAY deep in love with Brian at the time, but I gave him a chance anyway. I knew he was a keeper when we saw the Backstreet Boys Black and Blue tour 2x together, even on Valentine’s Day. I even set our wedding date as May 18th, just because I know that’s the day Millenium was released. I’m telling you all this so you understand when it came to telling my husband I was unhappy since being home, he didn’t gripe or complain when I had the solution to making me feel better.
I had this CRAZY idea that I was going to go to Las Vegas again, but this time alone. Yes, my sister loves the boys, but she’s not really a “fan”. She came with me so she could get away and we could have some special time together since we both have families of our own now. I had to find a way to afford another trip to Vegas and soon since the end of the residency was announced and April was the last dates.
I convinced my husband that I HAD to go back. I had to see the boys again. I already felt like I was too old to be a fan and I didn’t know why I felt so strongly about seeing them again. I will admit, Brian made me feel special. He made me happy and made me feel like it was 1999 again. I was YOUNG and with NO responsibilities. I didn’t know what post-concert depression was but I was in deep. I laid in bed and just started crying trying to convince my husband to let me fly to Vegas alone, stay in the hotel alone and then find a way to pay for all of this.
He said “yes”. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I think within a day or two, I had already found a flight and booked my hotel room for April 27, 2019. I was going to see the boys again.
Somehow knowing that I was going to see them again made me feel normal for the 1st time in weeks. It was like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. I know many of us have experienced PCD, but I had no idea how bad it could get.
I now have friends who help me manage my PCD. As of today, I don’t know when I’ll be seeing the Backstreet Boys again, but being part of this fandom makes it easier not knowing.
This is a part of an ongoing series from Stephanie about how the Backstreet Boys changed her life.